Identifying your "true authentic self" means that you find out what YOU WANT in life and WHO YOU WANT TO BE regardless of your social, cultural, religious, family and self expectations. It means you toss out the shame, guilt, and fear. You get rid of negative self talk.
Instead of obligations [where you feel negative emotions of HAVING TO DO something], you plan YOUR LIFE with THINGS YOU WANT TO DO because of WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU WANT TO BECOME which feels like a choice and so it feels GOOD. [AKA ...HOW do you want to show up in life?] You could very well have the same things on your "WANT TO DO LIST" as what's on your "OBLIGATIONS LIST" but it just FEELS sooooo different!!
Byron Katie talks about this [and I'll paraphrase here because it's been so long since I heard/read it]. She gave the example of wanting a clean house. ME wanting a clean house but then expecting everyone else to keep the house clean is an entirely different expectation. In this case, I am putting MY WANT/desire [of a clean house] and turning it into an OBLIGATION for yourself AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSEHOLD without their permission. It usually turns into a power struggle...sometimes really ugly struggle.
DO THIS MIND SHIFT INSTEAD: If having a clean house is something, YOU want, then go forward with joy in your heart and do it for YOURSELF without putting guilt and shame on others. Or hire someone to do it. The point is in WHERE the feelings originate from [forced obligations VS love and acceptance]...and what the feelings then lead to [anger, guilt, shame, fear VS joy].
Here's a very personal example in my life :
I moved 1700 miles to take care of my mom who was dying from pancreatic cancer. I left Seattle [where I absolutely loved living] and went back to cold Minnesota [where I never wanted to live again because I'm a complete freeze baby]. I would feel bitter when these thoughts popped into my head: "I am doing this for her and she's not even helping me!" and "I am giving up a life I absolutely love in Seattle for HER. Why am I the only one giving anything up?" But I'd stop my inner dialogue and say, "IS that true? No. I WANT to be the daughter who takes care of her mom. And I WANT the opportunity to get the relationship with her that I always wanted." Therefore, I acknowledged to myself that I'm doing this move FOR ME and not for her. I'm getting what I want out of it. Immediately, my body would relax and MY HEART IMMEDIATELY FELT FULL. SEE THE SHIFT? FEEL THE DIFFERENCE?!? Seriously, it's THAT easy.]
❤ It FEELS better when we're checking in with "WHAT DO I WANT?" and "WHO DO I WANT TO BE?" This is because the thoughts, feelings and actions that follow are done with our true authentic self and we are showing up with integrity and love instead of anger, shame, fear, guilt,...and resentment. Try it. Let me know how it goes for you.
X❤X❤,
Erica
Tampa Love Muse
March 2022
